


...Things Are Better (Not) Left Unsaid

by nimrodcracker



Series: the long road [4]
Category: Fallout (Video Games), Fallout: New Vegas
Genre: Awkward Conversations, Cass ... being Cass, Complicated Relationships With Feelings, Eventual Fluff, F/F, First Kiss, Mental Health Issues, Mutually Unrequited, Open Relationships, Post-Canon, Reconciliation, Recovering Alcoholics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-22
Updated: 2018-07-22
Packaged: 2019-06-12 23:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15351003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nimrodcracker/pseuds/nimrodcracker
Summary: "So you get laid ev'ry other night. With different people.""Why not? It's fun. Gotta iron out the kinks and work 'em old bones somehow, too. And never liked strings, Six."Can't be disappointin' anyone that way."Hate bein' tied down. No point stickin' to one when it's a big wasteland.""Nice way t' help distract ya from how much you wanna bang me, huh."Cass almost choked on her saliva._____Or, Six and Cass come to a mutually-beneficial agreement after years of pretending.





	...Things Are Better (Not) Left Unsaid

**Author's Note:**

> wrote this to ronan keating's [When You Say Nothing At All](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8uD5mYnlLw). ironic title, but bizarrely, it fits. so painfully well. please listen to it.
> 
> been a while since I wrote about my favourite caravan boss. i just [clenches fist] love her so much. since the game refuses to give her a happy ending where she works on her alcoholism and just... heals, then i goddamn will.

It took Cass a total of one goddamn hour to stumble back into the Freeside apartment she shared with Six, no fucking thanks to the pathetic waste of a brain she had, still hazy from the sex to walk straight. Managed to fish her keys out and jam 'em into the keyhole too, without fallin' over. Deserved a bloody medal for this, she did.

Didn't expect the lights to be on, though. Weird, Cass thought, tossin' her straw hat aside and kickin' off her boots. Six usually dozed off early, slept like a yao guai - if her night terrors weren't actin' up, of course.

Guess that was tonight then, the way Cass found her smokin' her lungs out in the balcony. Breeze ruffled her raven hair somewhat, the colour blending into a night sky peppered with blinkin' stars. A damn good view, if Cass said so herself.

She went out to smell the breeze after hangin' up her coat.

Tonight was fuckin' loony. Cass was on edge, felt the nervous energy in her curling fingers. Six loathed the silence, always had Radio New Vegas on, even when they were sneakin' around to six Legion shitheads. Tonight, Cass heard not the tunes of some Pre-War song blarin' from a beat-up radio. Tonight, Cass heard  _nothing._

"Hey," she said, wriggling her nose at the stench of ash. (Least it ain't fucking  _chems_ ). Better announce herself than freak Six out with her sudden appearance. Sometimes, Six had brain fog bad enough to not notice shit.

Lady didn't reply though, so yeah. Probably spacin' out again. So Cass walked over, plonked her ass on the stool beside Six. Any longer standin', her legs would've folded up, and she'd tumble over the damn railing and take Six's ashtray along with her.

Fuck. She's gettin' old.

When Cass was rubbin' her eyes to find that no-good piece of dirt that stung, Six turned to her. Or noticed her, maybe. Lady leaned towards her, but sideways, still eyeballin' space and the stars above.

"How'd you do-" Six waved her hands in circles, as if that could dump words in her mouth. "That?"

Six looked ridiculous like that, but hey, whatever moved her goddamn Brahmin. Cass was used to it. Found Six's quirks endearing, even. Nobody's perfect.

Cass snorted. "Do what?"

"Get laid ev'ry other night. With different people."

"Why not? It's fun. Gotta iron out the kinks and work 'em old bones somehow, too. And never liked strings, Six."  _Can't be disappointin' anyone that way._  "Hate bein' tied down. No point stickin' to one when it's a big wasteland."

"Nice way t' help distract ya from how much you wanna bang me, huh."

Cass almost choked on her saliva.

What in the fuckin'  _goddamn._  What in the fucking, fuckity fuck. Cass jerked her head to Six, incredulous, 'cause since when did Six have the balls to blurt out somethin' so hare-brained but true?

Goddamn. Now Cass was payin' attention.

At least Six had the decency to look apologetic. She clapped her hand to her mouth, droppin' her smoke that was as white as her face. "Sorry." It landed on the carpet, and the thick fibres snuffed it out. Thank the fuck - Six loved the carpet, 'cause it came from home. From the New California Republic.

"Sorry. Dunno why I said that. But-"

"You meant it." Cass slid a hand down her face, lettin' her fingers dig into her sun-baked skin. She sighed, deep enough to feel the pressure in her chest. She was too fuckin' tired for this. "Caeser's smelly arse, you've always known."

"Since the Wrangler. Saw how you looked at me in bed and- and everythin' after." Six swiped the cigarette off the carpet, but Cass knew it ain't to smoke. It was just to busy her hands. Twirlin' it between fingers like she'd twirl 0.308 casings, glinting in the firelight of a campfire. "Thought Vee was flat-out lyin', but… guess I know now."

"You're awfully calm about this. Half expected ya to turn tail and disappear when you caught wind of-"  _my feelings_  "It."

"Friend like you?" Six shook her head. "Deserve more than irresponsible ghostin', you do."

"So that's what we are, huh." Cass snorted. Swiped the ashtray off the railing and tossed it on the table, rattling a hell lot louder than Cass wanted. "Friends."

"Dunno." Six pressed her cigarette stub into the ashtray. Tryin' to smother a light that was already dead. "Dunno what's it we are, Cass. Think you remember what I said before you passed out tha' night."

_You deserve better._  "You ain't said no."

"I mean it. Don't… love like other people do, but I don't mind. Hell, if it makes ya happy? I'm down for it."

Lady said she wouldn't flirt with her no more, but here she was. 'Course Cass would guffaw like a bighorner at that - Six was funnier than she thought she was. Always. Cass wished she'd get that into her fucking head for once. Six just couldn't grasp why she was a better person than she thought she was. Fucken  _shit_  in her brain warpin' her perceptions like chems.

"Oh, I'd love that. I'll promise to be a damn good girl." Cass smirked, salacious, but Six none-the-wiser with that lost look on 'er face.

Christ. Enough with the damn jokes, then.

Cass scooted closer, draggin' the stool round the table with an ugly scrape. No, she ain't gonna hold Six's hand in hers. Lord. She ain't handsy like Vee. In fact, she'd more likely twist the arm off someone who'd dare lay their grubby fingers on her without her explicit say-so.

Cass just lowered her voice and nudged Six's shoulder. "Eola. Don't want you to do whatever you don't want to. Least of all force you into some livin', breathing sex toy. It ain't right."

Six blinked at her. Didn't - or maybe couldn't say more. Probably even blindsided by Cass's sudden use of her name. Cass wished Six said somethin', because she'd sobered up already and-

"Right." Cass coughed. "You know I ain't fond of talking feelings and stuff, but talk to me, Six. You bein' all quiet is makin' me nervous."

Still, the bleary look. Still, the lips that refused to lift and curve around words. Like nightstalker had got her tongue - no, had stung her so bad her muscles had locked up the way radscorpion stings did.

Cass wanted to brush back those raven locks behind Six's ears again, kiss away th-

Cass stood, loosening the collar of her shirt. Air in the apartment was too goddamn stuffy, even if they sat overlookin' the rundown streets of Freeside. Half a mind to unbutton her shirt halfway down too, Six probably wouldn't give a flyin' fuck, but-

Dunno where her sudden shyness came, but  _bad_  fuckin' idea.

She walked over to the booze cabinet. Grabbed some glasses, then poured 'em both a shot of absinthe before stashin' the bottle back on its shelf. Only one. More than fucking enough for 'em tonight. They'd pinky-promised each other to cut down - or at least, Six had convinced her to with her damn pout and sad eyes, soft enough that Cass… couldn't do shit but agree, even if she damn well knew dealin' with the fucking withdrawal was gonna be  _hell_. Sure, she ain't needed booze to get up ev'ry mornin', but she knew she couldn't keep dependin' on booze whenever shit went down and her thoughts started racin'.

But not so damn fast. Not like this. Change was fuckin' terrifying. Yet, she'd needed a kick to her arse to get goin', and she was glad Six was it.

Honestly? Better that reminder than to sit all cuddly with the silence. Feelings sent shivers of terror down her spine, the way it rolled in like an irradiated sandstorm.  _That_  was when she'd itch for whiskey slidin' down her throat, fuckin' up her head enough that things ain't sound as overwhelmin' as before.

Cass sunk her arse back on her stool. A beat. She pushed a shot glass across the table with her knuckles. Six watched as it rattled closer.

Another  _goddamn_  beat.

Six scrunched her face and emptied the glass in a single swig. Queasy, tha' much was obvious, but Six was about to say somethin'. Fuckin' finally, Cass wanted to cheer, but that was what she'd exclaim years ago. That was the ignorant shite she'd spew before seein' the heaploads of crap Six had to deal with, 'cause she ain't knew better.

Still, Cass couldn't decide if she wanted this conversation to continue.

She settled for watching how Six's shirt rippled as she breathed. Fidgeted. How fabric covered flesh that had firmed to muscle; the fullness that came not from adequate grub, but the comfort of being loved.

Cass downed her shot after.

"Just- terrified you'd leave. Me. For some'un better. 'Cause I can't be what you want. Even if ya give me time. This ain't somethin' chems or Auto-Docs can cure."

"Load of  _bull_." Cass rolled her eyes all the way back, her distaste clear. Lord, if there was a more dramatic way, she'd goddamn do it. Anything to get Six to guffaw her lungs out. Anything to steer this fucking uncomfortable conversation about  _feelings_  back to wise-crackin' and poking fun at shit. (There was a voice in her head, snipin' at her to stop stuffing her feelings out of sight, let alone with alcohol, and it sounded vaguely like Gannon's - creepy.)

Six's giggle, soft and hay-light, ain't came.

Cass searched Six's face, notin' the scrunch still etched between her brows. Her lower lip, tremblin' like an caravan guard on their first rodeo.

"Wait, seriously? Look, we share a crap-ass apartment, run a caravan company together- hell, don't we wanna build a ranch somewhere in the Mojave one day? Wouldn't have done all that crap if I ain't had planned to stay. I swear by my left tit, the day I just pack up 'n leave without tellin' ya is the day I ram my shotgun in my mouth and pull the damn trigger."

_I ain't like my dad, Six. I'm better than his deadbeat ass._  She ain't tellin' Six that, o' course. Lady was strung out enough as it was, and hearin' somethin' remotely guilt-trippy ain't gonna help.

Even then, Six went rigid like a board. "Cass, please- don't."

"I fucking mean it. Never been more sure of it my whole life. Ain't gonna lie, Six. You saved me. Stopped me from bustin' my liver with whiskey and showed how maybe, livin' ain't that bad an idea. That day you sashayed into the Outpost, I was this close-" Cass pressed her index finger to thumb, tight enough to see her flesh blanch this near her eyes "-this  _fuckin'_ close to lettin' go."

Ash in her lungs, whiskey on her tongue. Heaviness in her chest, searing pain between her ears. Wasn't just darkness she had to fight, it was the goddamn pain, pain,  _pain_. Alone. Gave her the shivers some nights, even today. Creepin' in the back of her mind like another shadow of the desert foolin' with her senses, but messing with her head real bad. Thinkin' bout it now still sent goosebumps along her skin. Her rose necklace, more millstone than a reminder of people who once gave a shit about her.

But fuck, what had she just blabbed? Cass sprang from her seat itchin' for a drink in her hands. Familiar urges, but this time, she'd replace it with somethin' healthier. Kinda.

"Shit, I sound like a fucking sap."

"You do." Eola smiled, watching as Cass ambled around the apartment, not quite headed for their kitchenette.

That damn soft smile could probably melt even Caeser's rotten, ghoulified heart, if she wasn't hellbent on riddlin' Legionnaires with bullets from miles out, Cass was sure.

"Cass, I- Can I tell ya a secret?"

"Shoot. Not me though."

Six wheezed from the bite of deprecation, but the smile was back. No teeth, slanted and yellowed in places from nicotine, but a gentle one that Cass found herself drawn to. "Stopped livin' after Bitter Springs. Didn't feel like I deserved to, with what I did. Thought of eatin' bullets everyday - never had the courage to, but the thoughts…" Her voice trembled as she closed her eye, her one good eye to another, wide open and clouded over by white. "The thoughts."

No, Cass wasn't a handsy person. Yes, she'd sooner bite her hands off the moment she thought she'd gone all soft and maudlin'.

Cass hesitated. Thought the better of being exactly that sentimental fool she'd sooner gag over.

She got up and hugged Six from behind; chin to head, arms around shoulders. Her fingers stroked skin she could touch, and Six was cold. Sure, Six had stiffened at first. After a while, she relaxed into Cass's embrace, tense muscles easing into bonelessness as she let out a soft sigh.

Cass realised she didn't mind stayin' like this. Curled into someone that meant a fuckton to her, just lettin' the minutes tick by. Cheesy as fuck, but honestly? Fuck that.

Her former flames had called her heartless. A bitch. Said she couldn't love anyone the way she was only down for quick fucks and no-strings-attached under the haze of alcohol. Cass preferred that, she did. Meant she ain't got to worry bout awkward goodbyes and tendin' to the flame of feelings between folks who barely see each other. This life she lived, there hadn't been time for romance - or whatever that passed for it in the wastes.

But lovin' Six was easy. This love was almost forgettable. Passable. 'Cause it'd taken her ages to realise that it ain't just about desire and mind-blowin' banging, but care. Concern.  _Commitment._  Two sides of the same cap - carin' for others ain't work if she barely did the same for herself. Had always been - she'd just been too bug-eyed to notice. Did that make her a bitch?

Fuck her if she ain't tryin', though.

"Became a courier to walk myself to death, but then I met ya," Six sniffled, hand reaching -  _reached_  - for Cass's wrist; where skin was thinnest, and pulse strongest. Held it tight like a damn packet o' smokes. "Found somethin' to walk home to. After I got shot, thought it was the end for me. Wanted it to. A year later, I realised I'd found family when I felt the most alone. Only missed it. Cause it'd been right there in front o' me the entire time. Snipers, ya know. Always missin' what's right in front o' us for things a few miles out."

Fuckin' hell. If the sniffle hadn't snatched Cass's attention, then Six's words had. Lady was being flat-out truthful with her feelings, for starters. Shit like this she kept locked behind her lips like the family she refused to speak of. Like the history that hounded her nights and left her sleepless. "That's some sickeningly sweet shit, Six. Didn't know you had words in you."

"I blame Arcade."

Cass could've replied with another wisecrack. Snarked about Doc Intellectual and the thousands of books stuffed in that head of his, and how Six waded into that like it ain't nothin'. Didn't understand shit about  _why_  Six even bothered.

But this time, words were unnecessary. Had always been. Cass only ever had to wait for a touch, a smile, a look-

Six squeezed her wrist.

Many things in that gesture. And Cass goddamn got it.

Cass squeezed back. Uncurled her arms and let go of Six, walking around to Six's front. Laid two hands on Six's shoulders, tapping 'em like fluffin' up pillows before sleep. Truth be told, it was because she wanted to be reassuring, but kneadin' those shoulders instead was… too much for a day. Cass would fuckin' combust from the embarrassment.

"So, guess we're alright? With me sleepin' around? Anytime it makes you uncomfortable, you gotta tell me, alright? If I don't ask ya first. Which I will. These things, we gotta be plain with each other. I don't wanna do anything you ain't comfy with."

Lord, how Cass wanted to kiss those lips right now. But until Six was a-ok with anythin', best she ain't done nothing. She'd wait. Forever if she had to.

Six was worth it.

"I will." Six pulled Cass's hands off her shoulders. "Thank you."

Cass missed Six's warmth terribly, she found herself frownin'.

She stood. "God, I was beginning to get nauseous from all these  _feelings_. Feel like gettin' some Sarsaparilla?"

Six laughed. Nodded too, but somethin' bout her smile had Cass feelin' like deathclaws were breathin' down her back. Made her nervous.

Cass stared back. "What?"

Unbelievably, Six flushed crimson. Ducked her gaze, too, as if she'd just been caught starin'. All in all, goddamn suspicious.

Fuck, did she wear her shirt inside out?

"You- you can kiss me if you wanna."

What a  _fuckin'_  whacko, Six was. Goddamn fucken' curveballs that actually left Cass feelin' warm inside; not quite the burn of whiskey as it seared its way down her throat, but something better. Somethin' more… lasting.

"You sure about this, Six? Don't have to if you ain't wan-"

That was when Six tugged Cass closer by the collar, sudden enough that Cass tumbled into her lap. Hurt like fuck, the way her old joints ached from the impact, but she'd always dreamed about tumblin' into someone's lap. A certain person's, in fact. Kinda why Cass hadn't cussed out in anger yet, 'cause her brain had shuddered to a complete stop like a train rammin' into a canyon face.

Six was pressed into her. Ash, gun oil, crinkled paper, and everything else that smelt distinctively  _her_. Cass could even  _feel_  those glorious muscles she'd dreamed of feelin' under her roamin' fingers.

"Sorry," Six said, giggles bubblin' between her lips; hot breath ghostin' on Cass's mouth, making her toes curl.

Cass thought she sounded like a damn angel, 'cause why else did she feel like she was floatin'? Mattered shit what they wanted to call each other, 'cause one thing was clear - they were important to each other.

"Didn't mean to." Six's brown eyes darted - first to Cass's gaze, then her jawline, and… her lips. She held up a hand, thumb hoverin' past Cass's cheek - a quiet  _may I?_  that Cass understood in a heartbeat.

"Fuck yeah," Cass breathed as she leaned in. Ears buzzing, pulse racing as Six stroked her cheek with a thumb, other fingers cuppin' her jaw with a grip so tight. And then, Six dragged her other hand past her ears and into her ginger strands, tugging 'em gently from its messy bun.

Cass felt her belly blaze with a fire whiskey ain't did for her, ever.

And she did. Kissed Six, the way she wanted.

**Author's Note:**

> you say it best //  
> when you say nothing at all


End file.
